AWOR - Absent Without Reason
Ok, so yeah, it's been months since I last posted. And for those of you who still check back every once in awhile "just in case" and who still have me listed on your blogs as an active & interesting blog link, I gotta tell ya - you have a lot more faith in me than I do. I suck as a fellow blogger: I'm not a regular poster, when I do post it's usually about some news story that has my panties in a wad or some drama going on in my life so why any of you would even continue to link to me, is beyond me. But thanks. You're the best. And I promise I will do better from here on out.
So, here's what's new with me: I have a friend, her name is Beth. This person has been going through a lot in their life lately - lots of personal stuff. In the process of a divorce, she lost most of her friends because they came with the husband and they left with the husband. So, she has been trying to make new friends. And she did make what she would refer to as an "acquaintance" last July, who we will call Samantha. Why does she call this person an acquaintance rather than a friend? Well, Beth met Samantha at a local cultural event last July. They started talking, one thing led to another, they exchanged emails and phone numbers, called each other etc. Now, they have seen each other every week since last July, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week since first meeting. Beth has done many things for Samantha including lending her money (which she repaid but only in part), cat sitting for free, listening to her talk about her problems, helping her out when she needs something and just generally the kinds of things you do when you are friends. So, what's the problem? The acquaintance, Samantha, does not reciprocate. Christmas came and Beth gave Samantha a wonderful & thoughtful present but Samantha didn't give Beth a Christmas present. Beth's birthday came and all the friend did was send a text message that said Happy Birthday - no card, no birthday get together, no present - nothing. And in spite of the time they have spent together over the months, Samantha is just not someone Beth feels she can turn to as a friend if and when she would ever need a friend. So, she asked me - at what point does one admit this is a one-way friendship and bail? She asked me this specifically because she is aware of my history of having fired 3 of my own friends. So, apparently, now I'm the expert on if a friend should be fired and how to go about it. (Gee, this will look good on a resume.) My advice to Beth was that if Samantha only takes and doesn't give back, and it bothers Beth so much so that she would want to consider firing her, it's probably long past the question of if Samantha should be fired as a friend. But then I got to thinking. Do all bad friends need to be fired? Can any of them be saved or rehabilitated as friends? And if so, how exactly do you approach the subject of "Hey, I like you but you kind of suck as a friend. Do you think maybe you could just every once in awhile make this about me instead of always about you? And, by the way, are you a Jehovah's Witness or something because you seem to have no problem accepting gifts from me at Christmas and birthdays but you never give any to me. Is this some sort of a religious thing or are you just that selfish?" Clearly this is not an easy conversation to have. But, my question is, do you have the conversation and if so, how? I don't want to offer Beth faulty advice and since my knee-jerk reaction was "Dump the selfish bitch, already!" maybe I should reconsider my advice. True friends aren't easy to come by and if a friendship can be rehabilitated rather than ruined, shouldn't you at least try? But my sole reason for advising Beth as I did was because Samantha has yet to prove she can be a true friend to Beth and I didn't want her to continue to be taken advantage of by Samantha. If it's all take and no give by Samantha, what's the point? Is there a point? And why oh why are so many women like this? Why do we not cherish the women that are in our lives and be the best friend we possibly can be to them for as long as we can be? Why are so many friendships one-sided where one person gives and the other person takes? Is it just the general selfish nature of some people that they cannot consider someone outside of themself? I don't understand these types of people. I always try and think of others before myself and yet, time and time again, I meet or am told about women who are just takers. Women who are your friend so long as they are getting something out of it. Or, better still: women who are your friend until you walk out of the room and then they become your worst nightmare by the things they utter about you behind your back. That's just wrong folks. Life is too short to spend alone but life is also too important to spend with selfish, self-centered, cruel people.
Presently reading: "Possible Side Effects" by Augusten Burroughs. Hilarious. A must read.
Just finished reading: "Remembering Sarah" by Chris Mooney. Good unpredictable thriller.
Currently Listening to: BPM Dance hits from around the globe on XM satellite radio.
Ok, so yeah, it's been months since I last posted. And for those of you who still check back every once in awhile "just in case" and who still have me listed on your blogs as an active & interesting blog link, I gotta tell ya - you have a lot more faith in me than I do. I suck as a fellow blogger: I'm not a regular poster, when I do post it's usually about some news story that has my panties in a wad or some drama going on in my life so why any of you would even continue to link to me, is beyond me. But thanks. You're the best. And I promise I will do better from here on out.
So, here's what's new with me: I have a friend, her name is Beth. This person has been going through a lot in their life lately - lots of personal stuff. In the process of a divorce, she lost most of her friends because they came with the husband and they left with the husband. So, she has been trying to make new friends. And she did make what she would refer to as an "acquaintance" last July, who we will call Samantha. Why does she call this person an acquaintance rather than a friend? Well, Beth met Samantha at a local cultural event last July. They started talking, one thing led to another, they exchanged emails and phone numbers, called each other etc. Now, they have seen each other every week since last July, sometimes 2 or 3 times a week since first meeting. Beth has done many things for Samantha including lending her money (which she repaid but only in part), cat sitting for free, listening to her talk about her problems, helping her out when she needs something and just generally the kinds of things you do when you are friends. So, what's the problem? The acquaintance, Samantha, does not reciprocate. Christmas came and Beth gave Samantha a wonderful & thoughtful present but Samantha didn't give Beth a Christmas present. Beth's birthday came and all the friend did was send a text message that said Happy Birthday - no card, no birthday get together, no present - nothing. And in spite of the time they have spent together over the months, Samantha is just not someone Beth feels she can turn to as a friend if and when she would ever need a friend. So, she asked me - at what point does one admit this is a one-way friendship and bail? She asked me this specifically because she is aware of my history of having fired 3 of my own friends. So, apparently, now I'm the expert on if a friend should be fired and how to go about it. (Gee, this will look good on a resume.) My advice to Beth was that if Samantha only takes and doesn't give back, and it bothers Beth so much so that she would want to consider firing her, it's probably long past the question of if Samantha should be fired as a friend. But then I got to thinking. Do all bad friends need to be fired? Can any of them be saved or rehabilitated as friends? And if so, how exactly do you approach the subject of "Hey, I like you but you kind of suck as a friend. Do you think maybe you could just every once in awhile make this about me instead of always about you? And, by the way, are you a Jehovah's Witness or something because you seem to have no problem accepting gifts from me at Christmas and birthdays but you never give any to me. Is this some sort of a religious thing or are you just that selfish?" Clearly this is not an easy conversation to have. But, my question is, do you have the conversation and if so, how? I don't want to offer Beth faulty advice and since my knee-jerk reaction was "Dump the selfish bitch, already!" maybe I should reconsider my advice. True friends aren't easy to come by and if a friendship can be rehabilitated rather than ruined, shouldn't you at least try? But my sole reason for advising Beth as I did was because Samantha has yet to prove she can be a true friend to Beth and I didn't want her to continue to be taken advantage of by Samantha. If it's all take and no give by Samantha, what's the point? Is there a point? And why oh why are so many women like this? Why do we not cherish the women that are in our lives and be the best friend we possibly can be to them for as long as we can be? Why are so many friendships one-sided where one person gives and the other person takes? Is it just the general selfish nature of some people that they cannot consider someone outside of themself? I don't understand these types of people. I always try and think of others before myself and yet, time and time again, I meet or am told about women who are just takers. Women who are your friend so long as they are getting something out of it. Or, better still: women who are your friend until you walk out of the room and then they become your worst nightmare by the things they utter about you behind your back. That's just wrong folks. Life is too short to spend alone but life is also too important to spend with selfish, self-centered, cruel people.
Presently reading: "Possible Side Effects" by Augusten Burroughs. Hilarious. A must read.
Just finished reading: "Remembering Sarah" by Chris Mooney. Good unpredictable thriller.
Currently Listening to: BPM Dance hits from around the globe on XM satellite radio.
posted by Unknown @ 12:38 PM
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